Tactic No. 2:
Verbal Abuse Disguised as Jokes
Verbal abuse can begin as small digs disguised as jokes. Your boyfriend or husband teases, ridicules and humiliates you with sarcastic remarks about your appearance, personality, abilities and values. Over time these put-downs damage your self-esteem. If you tell him, “I don’t think that’s funny,” or you ask him to stop “poking fun at you” he may become irritated or angry. He tells you, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You can’t take a joke.” His blaming statements are extremely convincing, and abusive in themselves, causing you question your ability to reason, doubt your perception of his abuse, as well as, your perceived experience of that abuse.
Comments made in front of others that mock or belittle a partner are abusive. For example:
- She can’t remember anything; she has sticky notes everywhere.
- She is so funny; she burns everything she cooks.
- She can’t find her way to the grocery store without a GPS.
- Having a bad hair day?
- You act just like your mother.
- You would forget your name if it weren’t on your driver’s license.
Ladies, we disguise our verbal attacks as “jokes” saying things like:
- Oh, you’re certainly dressed up today. Going to see your girlfriend?
- Where did you get an idea like that, with your alternate brain?
I should have paid attention to the first time Dr. Dirtbag ridiculed me about my weight. We were eating dinner in front of the TV and out-of-the-clear-blue-yonder, he said, “Ya know, the reason fat people are fat is they don’t know when to stop eating. Your plate is so clean when you get I through eating I don’t even have to wash it.”
I froze mid-bite. He could see the hurt in my eyes. Instead of apologizing he feigned innocence, saying, “Oh, did I say something wrong?” He swore he didn’t mean it, but he never apologized. He instead blamed me, saying “Geez, I was just trying to help. You told me you wanted to lose five pounds. I can’t say anything to you. I’ll just keep my mouth shut.”
His sole purpose was to shock and wound me with his spiteful put-down.
Does your boyfriend or husband blindside you with an unexpected cutting remark and then he claims you misread his comment, or he blames you, saying you are too sensitive, crazy and over-reacting?
If so girlfriend, I invite you to learn the covert tactics of an abusive personality in my newly released book:
Never Date A Dead Animal
The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists
Available in Paperback and eBooks wherever books are sold. Save at Barnes and Noble.